okay pat passed out under dana's car
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
