your thong is hanging out like whoa
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
