Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
