people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Someone signed my nipple.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
