you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
