Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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