my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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