Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
