You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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