My cat gives me a boner
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
