Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
