How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
