I haven't been this sober since birth.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
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did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
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At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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