I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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