he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
