You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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