Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
