just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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