Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
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i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
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Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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