I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
