their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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