My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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