This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
