I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Nobody cheats on THIS.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
