that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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