did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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