on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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