Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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