Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
