How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
