why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
