my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
