hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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