I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
