miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
