wakey wakey hands off snakey
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
