guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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