Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
