You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
