Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
