Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
