she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
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Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
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Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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