what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
