I must be too annoying 4 u.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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