dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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