I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize