OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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