what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
