its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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