just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
