He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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