Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
