Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
