Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
