Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
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He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
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I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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