just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
