I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
