Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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