I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
