Will you blow on my dice?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize