I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
