I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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