Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
