Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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