im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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