when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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