I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
