Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
