am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
