Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
