Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He better not be in your backpack
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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