I can text with my tongue
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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