Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
