I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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