I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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