what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
