Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
