Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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