I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
