I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
